USC Football Status: Shut UP, Lane.

I went to my first Lakers game recently, which was also my first professional basketball game. And while it was definitely a fun experience, it confirmed to me that I’m just not a basketball person. I like to keep up on sports news in general, but basketball and baseball just aren’t my thing, man. Where are the sustained drives? The journeys? The strategy that changes from play to play, furiously scribbled down in playbooks that have tried to anticipate any of a million different outcomes?

So yes, I’m a football fan, and I already miss it even though it’s been less than a month since the Super Bowl and I was sick of bowl season by Jan 2. And I’m not just any sort of football fan: as an alumna, I’m a major USC backer, even taking into account the potential shenanigans, the sanctions, the 7-6 season. I’d really like to also say I’m a backer of Coach Lane Kiffin too…

BUT HE MAKES IT SO HARD WHEN HE WON’T SHUT HIS TRAP. (video autoplay on that page, ew)

Lane, SC fans don’t underappreciate Matt Barkley. I was at the Colorado game this season where he broke a crap-ton of records, and guess what? I am incredibly proud of him, as I am of all Trojans who find exemplary success in their chosen paths. You are basically being a stage mom here, and you are expressly NOT helping him; no NFL team is going to sign Matt based on your words, which, btw, are also a direct teardown of your own father’s defense. And if you’re not helping him, you’re pretty much hurting him. So please, I’m begging you: since every time you talk, you sound like a chump, JUST STOP. Maybe focus instead on doing your job, which is still — apparently — coaching my team.

PS I’m not sure Matt feels the same dedication to you.

(Top photo by me, bottom photo courtesy of WhoSay)


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